“Stay Strong, Harry!” – William Reveals Hair DNA Test Results Confirming 4-Year-Old Rumor: “We’ve Discovered Archie’s Biological Father…” See more below 👇👇👇

London, UK – In a revelation that has shaken the cobblestone corridors of royal gossip circles, Prince William held an impromptu press conference outside Buckingham Palace today — holding what he claimed were “DNA results straight from the crown’s top-secret follicle lab.”

In a bizarre turn of events, William announced:

> “After four years of whispered rumors, tabloid scavenging, and more hair-based speculation than a shampoo ad, we’ve tested the hair… and the results are in.”

The Shocking Claim?
Archie’s biological father, according to the DNA test, is not Prince Harry — but Sir Elton John’s royal hairstylist, a mysterious man known only as “Sebastian the Brushed.”

> “I’m as stunned as the next royal,” said William with theatrical flair. “The ginger lineage had us all fooled.”

Prince Harry, currently in Los Angeles, reportedly received the news while making organic smoothies for Meghan and the chickens. A source close to the couple said:

> “Harry spat out his kale. He kept muttering, ‘Sebastian? That guy from the garden party?’”

Meghan Responds

In this make-believe tale, Meghan issued a calm but cryptic statement through her publicist:

> “We honor all kinds of family — royal, rebel, or hairdresser.”

Meanwhile, Sebastian Breaks His Silence

“Sebastian the Brushed,” wearing a glittering robe and sipping Earl Grey from a crystal chalice, denied everything:

> “I style hair, darling. I don’t donate DNA.”

—

Royal Family Reaction

Queen Camilla was unavailable for comment, allegedly busy binge-watching The Crown and knitting a “Free Harry” sweater.

Meanwhile, King Charles simply sighed:

> “It’s 2025. Can we please talk about climate change instead?”